8 Ways You Would Like to Reply to Your Boss

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1. Why were you late to work?

 Your usual reply:

•  I’m sorry I over slept
•  I’m sorry, I had a flat tire
•  I’m sorry, the weather was terrible
•  I’m sorry, there was an accident and traffic was horrific
• I’m sorry, I had to drop the kids off at school, it won’t happen again

 What you’re really thinking:

I was hung over and I really dread coming into the same s**t hole, dealing with the same bulls**t everyday. F**k off!

2. Why do you need the time off?

Your usual reply:

• The family and I would like to take a nice vacation to Orlando
• Family reunion and I must attend

What you’re really thinking:

Because you won’t go on vacation and this is my desperate attempt to get as far away from you and this god forsaken building as I possibly can.

If I am here one more day, I am going to have to admit my self into a Physiatric ward were they are going to have to tie me down to a steel bed and surround me with white padded walls.

3. Could you please get me a coffee?

Your usual reply:

• Sure I could, sugar or cream?
• Right away
• How do you like it?

What you’re really thinking:

Do you have legs? Would it hurt you to get off your lazy a** and get your own damn coffee? While you’re in there get me a cup too!

4. Why are you calling out?

Your usual reply:

• Cough, cough, I am very sick
•  My kids are very sick and I must take them to the doctor
• Aunt Sally died and I have to attend her funeral
•  I must take my pet to the vet; he is going into convulsions and needs immediate attention

What you’re really thinking:

Is it really any of your business?  I partied like a rock star the night before and I love extended weekends! Blow off!

5. Why are you out of dress code?

Your usual reply:

• I’m sorry I had to wake up late and I rushed to work, it won’t happen again
• I’m sorry I didn’t know I was violating company dress code

What you’re really thinking:

Does it really matter what I’m wearing, I’m here aren’t I? Maybe I felt like rolling out of bed and didn’t feel like making myself presentable, now that I’m done being scolded by the dress code hall monitor, can I go back to work?

6. Why are using the company phone for personal calls?

Your usual reply:

• I’m sorry; I was just making a quick call
• I’m sorry; there was a minor emergency that needed to be dealt with at home
• I’m sorry; I didn’t know it was against company policy, it won’t happen again

What you’re really thinking

I don’t want to run up my cell minutes when I can get away with it on company time. When did I get a sitter? You have your head stuck so far up my a** your practically talking for me.

7. Why can’t you work overtime?

Your usual reply:

•  I’m sorry, I am to busy
•  I’m sorry; I have no one to watch the kids
• I’m sorry, I have family coming into town

What you’re really thinking

You can’t pay me enough to keep foot in this hell hole a second longer and I can’t afford the extra cost to gripe about it to my shrink!

8. Why are you on the internet?

Your usual reply:

• I’m sorry I was researching something, it won’t happen again
• I’m sorry I wasn’t aware of company internet policy
• I’m sorry it is work related

What you’re really thinking:

Because I don’t get paid enough to work 8 hours straight, and the internet is the only thing that keeps me from falling into a deep sea of depression. I’m on the internet for the same damn reason you’re always on the internet?